behind the bikini.

A few weeks ago I posted a pic of myself in a bikini (I wanted to throw up at such an act) as it was the first time that I have worn one in at least 15 years. In fact, I can’t even remember the last time I wore one. Big deal, right? Honestly, who the hell cares when I wore a bikini last and why is it so important!? Chicks wear bikinis every day, so good for you Kelly for jumping on the normal train. Well, I’m not normal…

When I was probably about 3, I took a photo next to my Mom in our matching polka dot bikinis and trust me it was the cutest pic ever taken and trust me when I say it was likely the only time I was comfortable in my own skin. I have always, my whole life, had body issues. I have been skinny, I have been hugely pregnant, I have been my fattest and no matter my size, I pick myself a part every time I look in the mirror. I talk shit to myself. I tell myself how disgusting I am. How these love handles are out of control. How these thighs have dimples on them. And if you touch my arms I’ll likely kill you. How can anyone love me with this body!? They can’t. Because I won’t allow them. I didn’t even love my own self.

Every year, I either tell myself or those who surround me that my goal is to wear a bikini this summer and ever year, without fail, I don’t. It’s not because I can’t wear one. Shit, anyone can wear one. I watch women at the pool, at the beach etc. walk around with their super cute suits on and very rarely do I say “wow she has the perfect body”. Yes, those broads are out there and yes they deserve a “damn, she has a perfect body” because they work hard for that body. On the flip side, those Mom bods, Grand-mom bods, skinny bods, fluffy bods all deserve praise. They certainly deserve praise for not giving a damn what I think. If we could all wake up tomorrow with the “perfect” body, we would. But, that’s not real life. Is there even such thing as perfect? Ummm. No! Some of us like a little junk in the trunk and some like to be well in doubt while some of us are neither (yours truly). The fact is, the only way that any of us are flaunting around in that bikini is with a little self love, a whole lot of confidence and not a lot of F’s given and I’m all about having all 3.

If you have read any of my blog posts, you know that I am on a journey learning how to love myself, find myself and be my best self. So, this year, I will be damned if I don’t rock my bikini and not care for a single second if anyone thinks I have a “perfect body” because, I don’t. I know I don’t, and I’m OK with that. HOWEVER, I want to be healthy and feel good and be excited about working toward my goal. So, here I am flaunting my shit for the world to see while understanding I am a work in progress and am working hard every day for that progress and as long as I see it, I will continue to work it. I will work with passion, love, happiness and self respect. I am a Mom. I have a Mom-bod with some serious stretch marks to prove it. I will wear this bikini. I will wear these stretch marks. I will wear my pride.

Life is journey, so slap your bikini on and rock it every damn day!

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Cheers to you bikini wearers, I salute you and I’ll see you on the flip side.

KF

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