I have written about how I had a child at a young age and how the struggle became really real at the ripe age of 18. But the truth is the struggle hasn’t stopped.

Here’s the scenario 33 years old with a 15-year-old. You are in a room full of women who are your same age and they start talking about their kids (small kids typically), which of course I’m always into because it brings me down memory lane. Then- the bomb drops. They ask me how old my kid is, and BAM the shock is written all over their face. Most don’t even hold it back. The typical response is “holy shit, were you 13 when you had him!?”. My new response is “yes”. So, from that moment forward, to them, we no longer have anything in common. It is forgotten that I have no experience with a child because 15 years ago was a lifetime ago and I couldn’t have possibly been a good mother considering I was a “baby who had a baby”. So, let’s talk about make-up.

Here’s the scenario 33 years old with a 15-year-old. You are in a room full of women who have a kid the same age as yours. You are younger than them, therefore your “life experience” is not on their level. Again, I am a young Mom, so my parenting skills are not up to par because I didn’t wait to have children until I was married and had all my shit lined up. I didn’t have the college life, like them or the kidless life experiences, like them. I am different.

Here’s the scenario 33 years old with a 15-year-old, a husband who is 9 years older who has kids who are 17 and 20. People really lose their shit when I tell them those numbers. Kinda comical really. People’s automatic assumption is, “he must have money”.

Every day I live this scenario. Every. Day. I never even realized how “different” I was until my recent soul-searching I’m obsessing over. Do you know 90% of the people in my every day life don’t even know what I do for a living? Do you know that my husband had a recent divorce when I met him and had nothing to his name? Do you know that I spent my entire life having to prove my worth? That my age has NOTHING to do with my parenting skills, my husband choice or the way that I choose to live my life every day. Do you know that ACTUALLY being a teen Mom has given me more experience than more people in their 40’s and 50’s? Do you know how shitty it is to judge someone because of their age and choices that were made 15 years ago.

Well… The good news is I don’t care about any of those scenario’s or judgements. If you don’t think my experience in having a baby is worthy enough of asking for my advice, then I don’t want to provide you with any advice. If you think that the reason I married my husband was because he has money, then I don’t want to waste my breath in explaining the struggles we went through and the massive amounts of work it took to get where we are. If you think that because I am younger than you that my parenting skills suck, then I don’t want to waste my time in telling you the amount of sleep I have lost, the amount of time I worry about my kids, the amount of time I spend providing for them, giving them as much as I can and everything they deserve.

My parenting skills are not yours. I am not the perfect parent. I mess up, a lot. I have 1 kid that I spoil the shit out of. I have 2 step kids that I never want them to feel unloved or go without. I want my kids to succeed in this life. I never want them to be judged for any reason. To me, it is more important for them to carry themselves with confidence and learn how to be their true self then to always have to worry about what their friends think is “cool” or have straight A’s (don’t tell them that). Yes, they are not perfect and B can definitely make me want to strangle him from time to time, but he is who he is, and my job is to guide them to work hard to always want to reach higher levels and be the best they can be at whatever they set their mind to. It’s a really tough gig. But, I’m still here, fighting the fight and just because I’m a young Mom, does not mean I suck at life. In fact, I’m really good at life. So, maybe if we took more time trying to get to know people and not judging them we’d understand that 33, 42, 20, 17 and 15 are just numbers and they don’t define who we are.

The Facebook cleanse.

The truth is, I got really pissed off one night and decided to delete my Facebook. The other truth is, Facebook does not make it easy to leave. After a solid 20 minutes of trying to find the “get me the hell out of here magical button” I clicked that thing so hard and it never felt so good. Not participating in social media has turned me into a total weirdo. One of those crazy people who watch documentaries about food, have a legit vitamin regimen, eat healthy and listen to positive podcasts. And… by becoming a total and complete weirdo I’ve never felt so damn good!

I realized that I have spent countless hours digging so deeply into the social media world, which some were well worth the time, but most were a complete waste. Don’t get me wrong, social media is a game changer. It helps communities, families, businesses, you name it. It’s the shit, really. I love seeing my family that live out of state, my old pals from high school, my new pals etc. What I have beef with is the fact that it sucks up so much of this precious thing called time. It shows people in a light that doesn’t reflect their true self. It gives us a platform to say whatever the hell we want, whenever we want. We hide behind this keyboard and talk about politics and religion and blast it across the world wide web. And if someone doesn’t “like” you or what you have to say damn, that’s some stress right there. I, personally, would have to monitor any pictures that were posted of me because god forbid someone saw an ugly picture, and trust me, my mom is famous for posting my worst pics.. oh, the horror! So, I decided I needed a break from that lifestyle and this is why the Facebook cleanse was born…

Instead of hopping on the good ol FB as soon as my eyes open in the morning, I read positive affirmations, enjoy a cup of coffee and acknowledge the sounds coming from the door being open, taking a few minutes to be thankful for everything in my life and meditating (one of those weirdo things). Then, I run. Like legit, run at least 3 miles. People don’t run for fun, is definitely what I thought my whole life. Especially after that one time I “tried out” for the track team in high school and spent the entire time in the bathroom thinking how insane everyone outside was. I never went back after that day and I was perfectly happy with that decision. But, as I got older I  became envious of anyone that could actually enjoy running. I see these Moms running with their kids in their strollers in my neighborhood and think to myself, shit if they can run with a small child, certainly I am unable to use any excuse given my child is 15 and I’m perfectly able to mix in a little exercise to this lazy lifestyle. I decided on this running thing prior to my cleanse, however, since giving up FB I have allowed myself the time to research how to actually become a runner. Before, I would just go for shiggles and try to beat my Uncles time, but now I’m striving to be an actual, real life runner. I have learned to work toward progress, not perfection and trust me, that’s not easy. I instantly want to run a marathon. (just kidding I know I can barely survive a 5k) Running is hard. But, the great thing is during my runs I’ve learned so much about myself, including how to become mentally strong and push myself when things get hard. Not going to lie, usually, about half way through my run, I start questioning my decision and at least once every time, I think of how stupid it is to run and it is the furthest thing from fun. Then, I pull my shit together, tell myself that I am happier, healthier, wealthier and more fit today than I was yesterday. That I am capable of being a bad ass and finishing a measly 3 mile run will set my day up for success. Despite the fact I look like death and I breath like an animal, after my run I feel awesome! Not only do I feel awesome, it feels great to set some real goals, and then accomplish them. Goals=life.

Not only has this “cleanse” enabled me to achieve and continue to make personal goals.. With all of that, I have also learned how to love myself. Yes, seriously. I hear people say how important it is to love yourself and it makes me want to gag. I think “my god how in love can you be with yourself!?”  However, now that I have dug a little deeper on this subject, I have come to the harsh realization that you will never truly succeed in anything until you fully love and accept yourself. Anyone who knows me knows that if you compliment me on ANYTHING I have a really hard time accepting it. I hear “you look nice” and my response is “ugh, I’m disgusting” or “you look like you’re losing weight” me- “I’m a huge fat ass”. I think, or assume, that people probably think I am fishing for more compliments (that’s what I think when people respond to me like that) but the truth is, I really truly felt that way about myself. How sad is that!?  I am still very guilty of responding this way from time to time, but I have acknowledged that talking about myself like that is the dumbest and possibly the most damaging thing that I could be doing to myself. There are many things that I don’t like about myself, but knowing that I have the power to change that and actually acknowledging these things, is a major game changer. We are all forever changing and truthfully always trying to find ourselves BUT the absolute most important thing about this journey is loving yourself along the way. All the way.

These are a few things I have been fortunate enough to explore about myself. Could I have done these things with the ability to surf social media, obviously. But, for me, I felt it was about deleting the negativity that I was grasping on to. It was about removing myself from the fakeness of the world and stepping into reality.

And…Lastly, life without the Kardashian’s, is my kind of lifestyle. No Kardashian’s equals happiness. Trust.

Now that my cleanse is coming to an end, I am happy to be back in the land of social media, but am also happy to know that there is a beautiful life outside and I plan to continue to enjoy it. My life moving forward is to focus on being the best Mom, Wife, Daughter, Employee and Friend I can be. Not the person social media portrays me to be. I am choosing to be ME.

Always.

Fight the good fight.

KF